Tuna Salad


March 26th

Have you seen these new Volvo ads for the brand spanking new S80? I had to pull my jaw off the floor after watching but 3 of them. Why you ask? Was the car just that cool? With luxury and gizmos and sparkly crap all over it? No! It’s because with this new ad campaign Volvo seems to be catering to a certain demographic of clients – those that have a butt-load of cash but can’t drive themselves out of a paper bag, and shouldn’t even have a license to begin with.

Observe. The new Volvo has a “Blind Spot Information System” that alerts the driver if another vehicle is in their blind spot while changing lanes. The commercial that shows off this feature is of a man driving down the freeway, when suddenly a motorcycle appears in his blind spot. He flips on his turn signal checks his passenger side mirror and begins to merge when the car alerts him that a vehicle is there and he quickly gets back into his own lane. Ah so luxurious, right? WRONG.

What’s the first thing you do when you change lanes? Step one – you flip on your turn signal; step two you check ALL mirrors; and finally step three… YOU LOOK OVER YOUR SHOULDER. They teach this in driving school and it’s the law to do so. You don’t expect people to get out of your way within a fraction of a second of turning your signal on. So, to sum it all up, the “Blind Spot Information System” is for idiots that are too lazy or stupid to actually look over their shoulder like the law requires.

My second observation, and this covers two commercials. The product here is the all-new “Collision Warning with Brake Support”

First commercial, a couple is speeding somewhere downtown in some city (kind of looks like L.A.), the woman asks the male driver “do you think we can make it before they close,” when a garbage truck appears in the lane in front of them. The car begins to flash a strip of red L.E.D.s alerting you that the vehicle in front of you is too close. They punch the breaks, and switch lanes to avoid the collision. And make it to a hot dog stand minutes before it closes up for the night.

The second commercial is of a businesswoman driving in a residential area with a pile of folders on her passenger seat. As she drives along, one of the folders slides off the seat onto the floor, where she goes to look and contemplates picking it up. Just then, a stopped car appears at a cross walk letting kids cross the road. But luckily, the red lights flash and the car alert her to stop.

Let’s look at commercial one. First off, why in the hell are they speeding in a downtown section of some city? Come on. And why are they so anxious to get to a hot dog stand of all places? This commercial has idiot written all over it. This equipment should be in vehicles aimed at sixteen year olds – not middle age rich Americans! And the second commercial, don’t even get me started. I guess it’s alright to stare at the floor while you drive. Volvo, what are you telling Americans? Your cars can be driven by incompetent drivers? Wow thanks, we definitely need more of them on the road!

I didn’t even get into the forth commercial. A woman walking out to her car in an empty parking lot gets alerted that someone is IN her car. Wow, I guess locking your doors isn’t important either. Volvo; we’ll let killers and rapists in your car, but at least we’ll tell you about it first.


  1. On March 26th, 2007 at 10:01 am, Gussie said...

    Volvo – the luxury car that makes not using your brain the greatest luxury of all ;)

  2. On August 31st, 2010 at 7:14 am, Afficionado Luxury said...

    With regards to amazing high end automobiles, the Europeans maintain the crown, thanks to such mythical brands as Ferrari, Range Rover, Koenigsegg, and Lamborghini. Indulge in luxury, enjoy life.

  3. On October 24th, 2010 at 4:18 pm, Evelin Lynchj said...

    Be grateful for god they invented bark shock collar. My own dog has learned her lesson and I eventually have peace.

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